My Power Cord Fetish. . .

As the title indicates, I have an unhealthy and abnormal obsession with power cords and related devices.  I can’t really say where it derived from but it exists.

I have this weird vision that I can have my house beautifully illuminated with outdoor lighting.  I would be the envy of all my neighbors, criminals and other miscreants would steer far and clear from my well lit abode.  Sadly this is a vision only.  I am too cheap to spend the money for a professional to come out and install outdoor lights.  Seriously the money they want is a joke.  Why would I pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars when all I have to do is buy my own timers and power cords?  Extension cords, outdoor timers, indoor timers, three prong converters, rope lighting, flood lights, solar lights, ahhhhhh the possibilities. . .

So every year after Christmas the stores have all those giant sales to get rid of all the extra crap they brought in.  Crowds and crowds swarm the fake trees, the wrapping paper, and the outdoor decorations.  But I always find a front row seat in front of the lighting section.  I think right now I own about 16 of the timers you can set up to have your lights go on and off by themself.  Exhilirating!!  Go ahead and laugh but I have found uses for these throughout the year.  I can’t think of any at the moment but thank god I have all these on hand!  You never know when a zombie apocalypse will happen.  I, my friends, will be equipped and ready when the hordes of frantic survivors come in search of electronic timers.  So eat that!

At the beginning of Summer I was up to about 5 extension cords.  It’s about 100 yards from the front of my house to the end of the driveway.  We have two burning bushes at the end of the driveway that had grown so big and, well, bushy.  It was a bit dangerous because it was hard to pull out of the driveway and see down the road at oncoming traffic.  I borrowed my Mom’s bush trimmer thing (is that what you call it?) and was ready to do the job.  I was devastated to see that my power cords colored dark green, light green, and orange, all stretched out to their fullest, only went about 2/3 of the way down the driveway.  Natalie thought it was funny for some reason?  I had to swallow my pride and call my friend Mike and ask him to bring over two of his longest extension cords so I could trim the bush.  He did and it worked out, but damnit I had never came up short like that before.

We decided to get an above ground pool in the summer.  It comes with this huge pump and sand filter.  It requires power.  I ran one of my shorter extension cords from the pond in the back and across a small section of lawn over to the pump.  Can’t be more than 30 feet.  I used the dark green cord so it would blend in well with the grass.  When I was mowing it blended in so well that I hit it and there was a huge spark and pop sound.  Right when I heard it I knew and it felt like I had lost something near and dear to me.  I picked up the 4 pieces my cord had become and just stood in shock.  What had I just done!?!  I replaced the cord and told Natalie what had just happened.  She just talked about how lucky I was that I didn’t shock the shit out of myself and she was glad that the fuse had popped.  I could hardly believe one of my collection was gone.  When I tried to mention black tape, Natalie told me to throw it away and don’t think about it.  So I did.

About 3 weeks later Natalie was mowing the back lawn and guess what she didn’t see?  Guess what she hit?  LOL!  Another power cord gone. . .

Anyway I bring this up because I got to bring down my box of Christmas lights and my box of power cords and timers.  The house looks excellent and I had enough cords to finish the job.  OK I’m lying, I did have to go to the store and purchase yet another 3 outlet extension.  Here is a picture of our house at night.

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